Since February 2002, when I refused psychiatric medication from the very beginning, Psychiatrist David Cassar would look at me and say, “You look excited, agitated, worried.” It wasn’t an observation — it was a verdict. My refusal itself became the symptom.

Then, in June of that same year, he forcibly hospitalised me. That was the moment I understood the rules of the game. Resistance meant punishment. Compliance meant freedom — or at least the illusion of it. So I learned to survive. I learned to perform. At one appointment, he asked, “Do you still think the Magistrate and the Police have something against you?”

I swallowed everything I truly thought and answered, “No, not at all. Everything is fine.”

Instantly, the approval came. “You really look much better now — calmer. Even your mood is better. Keep taking the medication. You are doing quite well.” It was surreal. The only thing that had changed was my honesty.

Every outpatient appointment became theatre. I played the “good patient.” I softened my voice. I edited my thoughts. I erased my doubts. And each time, I was rewarded with the same reassuring script: I was improving. I was stable. The medication was working.

Year after year, the same ritual. Smile. Deny. Agree. Survive.

This continued until my arrest in 2014. What hurts most is the hypocrisy of it all. He presented himself as a healer, but the entire dynamic was built on control. The praise was conditional. The diagnosis flexible. The narrative predetermined.

And the truth? I was doing quite well — not because of his toxic medication, but despite it. My “improvement” was nothing more than my ability to pretend convincingly enough to satisfy him.

The pills that psychiatrist David Cassar wanted me to take felt like poison to me. I had been collecting them from the very beginning, starting in 2002 — especially Risperdal 2 mg. In reality, I never took it. Instead, I made them believe that I had stopped taking such a “wonder pill” at the time of the wrongdoings. It was “only” an insignificant pill a day anyway, yet I managed to mislead several psychiatrists into thinking that I had become so unwell that I was forced to end up collecting dead animals from the roads and crucifying them on the 16th of each month.

Actually, seeing the frightening side effects of Risperdal — drug-induced depression being one of them — it is more than obvious that taking it should have made me crazy, not the other way around.

Those white pills were probably Anafranil or Stelazine, which he initially prescribed to me in 2002. These are some of the prescriptions: Mon 4/3/02 – 4 Anafranil of 25mg; Mon 25/3/02 – 4 Anafranil of 25mg, 3 Stelazine of 1mg; Mon 22/4/02 – 2 Anafranil of 25mg, 2 Stelazine of 1mg, Sat 22/6/02 – 2 Stelazine of 2mg + 2 Artaine of ½mg, Fri 6/9/02 — 1½ Risperdal of 2mg, Mon 5/5/08 — 1 Risperdal of 2mg, etc.

From the start, the abuse I suffered and the way they trampled on my freedom whenever and however they wanted was terrifying. I lived under constant threat: that Cassar would end up forcing injections on me or locking me up for life based on some blatant lie. I was always expecting them to invent something new about me as an excuse to come to my home and check whether I was taking the pills.

Because of this fear, I used to remove the pills from their packaging so that, if they came, I could show them the empty package as “proof” that I was taking them. That is why there are pills in the container. This proves that, far from having stopped the medication, I had never taken it at all — not once in the twelve years since it was first prescribed.

This alone demolishes the claims in the 2014 court report of the second case, where they concluded that my alleged wrongdoing resulted from my having stopped the medication only in the preceding three years. In truth, I had misled the psychiatrists and psychologist into that conclusion, fearing that Cassar would force me onto injections if he discovered that I had never taken the medication from the start and had only pretended to comply.

He forced me onto injections anyway (Fluanxol [a, b, c], Risperdal Consta [a, b, c, d, e, f] ), as part of the revenge he had planned with Magistrate Carol Peralta.

Yet in leading them to the wrong conclusion, I exposed the fragility of their so-called psychiatric expertise. How could they possibly explain that for nine years prior to that, I committed no wrongdoing whatsoever, despite never taking any medication for the “chronic and severe” mental illnesses Cassar fraudulently claimed I suffered from?

Risperdal 2 mg pills, manufactured in 2002, still intact in their original packaging.

Risperdal 2 mg pills, manufactured in 2003 and 2004, still intact in their original packaging.

Risperdal 2 mg pills, manufactured in 2005, still intact in their original packaging.

Would you take pills prescribed by a psychiatrist (David Cassar) who ignored you when you informed him of the severe abuse you had suffered — abuse involving a magistrate, Carol Peralta, before whom your case was being heard, and who threatened you with violence in a courtroom? Instead of listening, he dismissed everything as “delusions of persecution” and, on the basis of blatant falsehoods, abusively and unjustly had you confined in hospital in 2002 for no less than 37 days, almost costing you your job.

Not only did I never take those pills from the outset, but I deliberately collected them as evidence of how, on that day, he abusively and unjustly had me hospitalized on purely fabricated claims that I required psychiatric medication. They also serve as proof of how he continued to misrepresent the facts by labeling me with increasingly chronic and severe mental illnesses — conditions for which I never took medication and yet managed not to take a single day of sick leave throughout the 15 and a half years I worked, with the sole exception of those 37 days in 2002 during which he had me confined in hospital.

I did not take those pills because I was in no way ill; nevertheless, he portrayed me as such through false and misleading representations. One must experience his conduct firsthand to understand the extent of his abusive and tyrannical behavior.